Ajay has been doing a little bit of soul-searching for the last few days. He was approaching thirty-eight. He did well in his career as a senior executive of a high-tech multinational company in New Delhi. He was already promoted to the highest level he could be at without disrupting his company’s management hierarchy. He had finally met, and was dating, the woman who he has completely fallen in love with. Her name was Purva. She was thirty four. She was a social worker based in New Delhi, who was flourishing in her own career involving underprivileged children. Ajay could picture himself growing old with Purva. All his well-wishers, whom he had told about Purva, were unanimous that Purva was the right woman at the right time for Ajay. Some of his more practical-minded friends even went on to saying that it would not be long before Purva herself would start giving him hints that she wanted to get married and settle down. “That is what women above thirty do, especially after they meet a good man,” his friends opined. But that certainly did not happen. Purva didn't bring up the issue. So Ajay decided that he would be the proactive one in their relationship. He felt that Purva and he had reached the stage where they should at least communicate their views about marriage openly.

Purva didn’t react uncomfortably at Ajay’s suggestion to talk about marriage. “I am just afraid that I will lose you if I burden you with my responsibilities and liabilities before you are ready. And yes, Manasi is my responsibility, but I can see how she can be a liability to anyone else.”

Manasi was Purva’s  seven-year-old autistic daughter. No, she was not Purva’s biological child. Purva had neither been married nor conceived a child in her life. A little more than a year ago, Purva got full legal custody of Manasi as the sole adoptive parent--a feat that Purva considered among her greatest personal achievements.

“But you have not even given me the chance to interact with Manasi personally. She is just a photo and a bunch of stories to me. I can’t guarantee you that I won’t feel burdened. But at least I am willing to take a chance,” Ajay sounded a bit frustrated. He felt like Purva was being overly protective of Manasi, and shutting him out in the process, unknowingly.

“All right, you’ll get to meet her. How about this Saturday?” Purva finally budged in.

*************

Ajay had come to know of Manasi’s existence the very first day he met Purva. Purva had come to give a presentation in connection with Ajay’s company’s promised charitable contribution towards her organization. Her NGO was working with autistic children in India. Ajay happened to be her host on that day, being a member of the charitable contribution committee at his company.

It was love at first sight, or something very much like it, at least for Ajay. Purva, on the other hand, was used to people being impressed by her. She went to the company’s cafeteria with Ajay for coffee and a quick sandwich after the presentation, partly because she enjoyed Ajay’s courteous and responsible demeanor, but mostly because she could sense, from her professional experience, that she could seal the charitable contribution deal better in an informal one-to-one setting at the café rather than in the conference room. Purva always had an inherent ability to effortlessly and instantaneously connect with people. She routinely made complete strangers entirely comfortable around her. It was one of the main reasons, in addition to her being incredibly articulate, that she was chosen to woo the multinationals for charitable contribution.

It was at the café that Purva showed Ajay a photo--tucked neatly in her wallet--of Manasi, embraced by a gleaming Purva. Earlier, during her formal presentation before the committee, Purva recounted her own experience of adopting Manasi. She mentioned that Manasi was given up for adoption as an infant, because her birth parents, most likely poor working class people from one of the nearby villages at the outskirts of the city, could not deal with her early syndromes of autism. Manasi grew up at an orphanage that provided shelter for developmentally challenged children, who were abandoned by their families, largely due to lack of economic resources to seek treatment. Many of the kids had visible physical deformities or prominent signs of mental retardation. Manasi was not physically imperfect, but she did show the behavioral quirks – not making eye contacts when she was spoken to, totally lacking facial expression in response to joy or sorrow, fixating on things for an unusually long time being oblivious to the surrounding, getting overly scared when other kids had approached her – peculiarities that rob autistic children of the expected baby charms, and sometimes alienate them from their own parents. Often autistic children fail to garner sympathy, because their syndromes are merely interpreted as unsocial behavior, and not as signs of a disorder, Purva explained to the audience. Only recently the Government of India had officially recognized autism as a disability, as a result of persistent lobbying from various NGOs including theirs, she added.                            

At the end of the presentation, Purva made a passionate plea for people with resources to open up their hearts and wallets, and consider adopting and raising autistic children. She said that she herself did not plan on adopting, but after working with Manasi and other autistic kids at the orphanage as part of a job-related project, she forged such a strong bond, that she realized she could make the tangible difference that she wanted to make only by adopting one of the kids. The process of adoption was frustratingly circuitous, especially since Purva was a single, unmarried woman. After a long battle, her exceptional track record of working with autistic children, her respectable income, and above all, her unfailing adherence to her cause made the seemingly impossible thing happen. “Manasi had given a new meaning to my life. At the orphanage, she was called Mani. I gave her the name Manasi—the creation of my mind.” Purva declared with a content assertion that drew serious admiration from everyone who attended her presentation, including Ajay. However, Ajay’s transformation was not complete until their conversation at the café. Seeing Purva with Manasi, both sparkling with joy in the photo, Ajay felt such an overwhelming surge of strangely pleasant attraction towards Purva, that he felt like he needed to be a part of her life.

Within a few weeks from Purva’s presentation, a handsome contribution check from Ajay’s company arrived at Purva’s organization. Purva’s boss was ecstatic. After showering Purva with praises for her good work, she specifically told Purva to meet Ajay to thank him personally. To her own surprise, Purva discovered that she felt quite happy at the prospect of meeting Ajay again--perhaps happier than she needed to feel for a routine professional meeting to fulfill her boss’s wishes. It was not that she had thought about Ajay a lot since their meeting, but subconsciously, she grew an admiration for Ajay’s calm sincerity, she later confessed.

They started seeing each other, not regularly, but whenever they could manage. They had immense mutual respect for each other’s professional commitments, and didn’t complicate their own lives with immature possessiveness. They met for an hour or two at the end of workdays, and talked about anything and everything--their work, politics, movies, magazine articles they have recently read--while sipping coffee at a roadside café, or taking a walk along a landscaped tree-lined road.

Purva often used to paint a fragmented picture of Manasi during their conversations. Manasi was quite reserved. She loved books. “You should thank Manasi for being such a bookworm. Had she not been so absorbed into her world of books, I’d have had to rush home every evening to play with her, or to help with her homework, like all the other mothers do. I’d not have any time to meet you after work,” Purva used to joke.

Manasi was not interested much in playing with other children, or watching cartoons on TV—typical activities that other seven year olds enjoy. But that was what Purva expected. Her own research about autism led her to conclude that Manasi had Asperger’s Syndrome, a relatively more manageable form of autism. Ajay was becoming quite conversant himself with the subject of autism in children, thanks to Purva. He learnt that children with Asperger’s Syndrome have normal to very high IQ, but are often unable to understand how to interact socially, and make very few friends as a result. But, on the other hand, they can talk for hours about their favorite subjects with anybody who cares to listen, oftentimes running the risk of utterly boring their listeners after a while.

“I think Manasi finds it easier to make friends with adults than with children. She really opens up to me. I look forward to the day when she will not be considered autistic anymore, but will be respected for her intellectual superiority, and I can give myself a little pat in the back,” Purva said one day. Ajay gave her a smile of appreciation, but he wondered, whether Purva deliberately talked about only the positive aspects of raising Manasi, choosing to hide the difficult side of it. Even biological parents of emotionally normal children don’t find raising a kid easy. How could Purva not ever encounter challenging moments in her interaction with Manasi, who was not only autistic, but was adopted too, and from what Ajay had sensed, was quite aware of her uniqueness? Could it be that Purva was trying too hard to paint her life as perfect? Could it be that Purva was not comfortable yet to share her entire world with Ajay? He decided to venture to find the answers to all these questions that were churning inside him.  When he finally brought up the issues of marriage and Manasi, he was relieved that Purva’s response was guarded, but at least not entirely dismissive. By then, Ajay knew Purva well enough to realize that a door was being cracked open slowly. Ajay was really looking forward to finally meet Manasi, the epicenter of Purva’s life.

***********

The day of meeting Manasi turned out to be one of the most interesting days in Ajay’s life, etched clearly in his memory. Manasi was looking out from a window when Ajay and Purva entered the room--her long, jet black hair neatly tied into a thick single braid running down her back. She was taller than what Ajay had expected. She did make eye contact with Ajay and nodded acknowledgingly when Ajay said hello--a remarkable improvement from her childhood behavior, Purva later said. Manasi had a slightly brooding expression on her face, not of sadness, but of being preoccupied with some thought. Nonetheless, Ajay thought he could see a concealed curiosity in her eyes--curiosity about Ajay, the person whom Purva had thought worthy of bringing home to meet her.

Ajay was expecting that Manasi would be very articulate. Earlier, during one of their evening walks, Purva mentioned that Manasi had learnt to talk quite late, around the age of three. Everybody was worried that she would never speak. But when she had finally spoken, she already had a vocabulary far richer than anybody of her age. Ajay found Manasi’s tone of speech to be slightly robotic, but she certainly had a pleasant voice. Ajay also noticed that Manasi addressed Purva not as ‘mom’ or ‘ma’, but simply as ‘Purva’. She addressed Ajay too by his name. It sounded a bit odd to his ear, but he got used to it.

Manasi took an interest in Ajay’s professional life, and wanted to know what a typical workday in his life was like. Ajay started describing his routine, in the middle of which Manasi quite abruptly stopped him, and asked, “Do you think you would have been happier if you were a veterinarian, saving lives of battered animals, rather than looking at project reports sitting in your office all day long?”

“Animals are all she thinks about these days,” Purva said, a little embarrassed by Manasi’s sudden interruption. But Ajay was amazed by the clarity and sincerity with which the seven year old Manasi asked the question. “I really don’t know if I would have been happier working with animals. I have never had a pet. I liked playing with my toy gadgets when I was a kid, and became an engineer when I grew up. I like what I do. But I guess one can have a very satisfying profession saving animals’ lives too,” he said.

“I wonder if there is a place where one can learn to speak the language of animals,” Manasi kept talking, as if to herself, not giving particular attention to Ajay’s answer to her earlier question. “Biswas aunty, who lives in the flat upstairs, has got a puppy from the road. Aunty calls him Tito. Aunty lets me play with Tito. Tito’s mother died when she was hit by a car. Tito thinks Aunty is his mother. Aunty told me that she would like to celebrate Tito’s birthday, but she doesn’t know for sure when his birthday is. I would like to learn Tito’s language, so that I can ask him if he knows which day of the year he was born.”

Ajay and Purva glanced at each other. Purva was relieved to see that Ajay looked genuinely amused, rather than annoyed. “At least now I know that life with Manasi and you won’t be boring,” Ajay told Purva before he left that day.

They got married a few months later in a very simple ceremony. They moved to a new bigger flat, which was not far from Purva’s office and Manasi’s special school. Ajay’s commute became longer. Though he tried his best, his long commute and increased responsibilities at work didn’t leave him with much time to spend with either Purva or Manasi. Manasi remained mostly Purva’s responsibility as before. They did however make sure to spend time together on the weekends. They frequently went on day trips by car. Manasi used to crane her neck out of the window to feel the breeze in her long hair. “One day I will visit Biswas Aunty’s place, and ask her if I can borrow Tito for a day. I think Tito will love going out on a trip with us. Don’t you think so, Purva?” Manasi said. Her obsession with animals remained intact. Lately, she had created a comic strip, where the animal characters freely exchanged their views with the human characters. Life was going at its own momentum for the three of them.

************

It was around 10 o’ clock in the morning on a regular work day. Ajay’s phone started ringing. It was Purva at the other end. Purva rarely called Ajay at work, unless it was an emergency.

“What’s the matter? Are you all right?” Ajay was worried.

“Can we meet for lunch at the New Day café? I need to talk to you in person. It is urgent.” Something in Purva’s voice told Ajay that she was going through a lot of emotional turbulence. Was it anything that Manasi said that had upset her, Ajay wondered.

Purva was already at the café, sitting at a table, when Ajay arrived. Her face looked pale. Her body language clearly revealed the anxiety and restlessness that were brewing inside her. Ajay held her hands, and felt them trembling within his palms.

“I went to the doctor this morning, and she confirmed that I’m pregnant,” Purva blurted out after a few awkward moments of silence. Her eyes, brimming with uncertainty, looked into Ajay’s eyes, begging for a solution. Ajay didn’t know how to react. Part of him felt elated at the thought of a baby that would be his and Purva’s own flesh and blood. But he knew Purva had decided not to have a biological child, because she feared that would complicate her relationship with Manasi, and Ajay was fine with Purva’s decision. Purva’s pregnancy was certainly an unplanned accident that brought them to the crossroads where they had to face the reality, and make a choice.

Eventually they decided not to terminate the pregnancy. Ajay realized that the mother in Purva kept fearing about Manasi’s reaction, but the woman in Purva longed for the unique journey of harboring a life within herself, feeling every pulse of the unborn for nine precious months. He had to work hard to make Purva see what she herself wanted.

Ajay also convinced his parents to come and stay with them for at least a couple of months after the baby’s birth, as Purva’s parents were both dead. Purva went through numerous mood swings during her pregnancy. Some of her depressive phases were really hard on both Ajay and Manasi. But those difficult moments taught Ajay how to be a parent to Manasi. They also taught Manasi to depend on someone other than Purva for emotional support for the first time in her life. Surprisingly, Manasi started addressing Ajay intermittently as ‘daddy’. The first time Purva heard that, she cried hysterically in her bed, accusing Ajay of snatching Manasi away from her. Ajay learnt not to lose his composure, and tried to comfort Purva as best as he could, assuring her that Manasi would remain hers forever.

Purva delivered a healthy baby girl three weeks earlier than her due date. Ajay’s parents were yet to arrive. Friends helped as much as they could. Purva was still not completely over her depressive phase, but looking at the tiny bundle of joy--her puffy pink eyes shut tightly--Purva’s face lit up momentarily. She felt better than she had felt in a long time.

Manasi on the other hand, did not express any joy, and refused to go to the hospital to see the newborn. Finally, after much cajoling, Manasi came to the hospital with Ajay just prior to Purva’s and the baby’s discharge from the hospital. She took a quick glance at the baby, and then looked away instantly. She couldn’t look at Purva. Ajay knew she was trying hard not to run out of the room. He held Manasi close to himself, and gently patted on her back. “It’s going to be all right, Manasi. You’ll see,” he said. They drove back home with Manasi sitting in the front passenger seat beside Ajay, and Purva in the back seat cradling the baby, all of them silent the whole time.

Purva was very weak from the physical stress of having delivered a baby, augmented by the emotional stress caused by Manasi’s unhappy histrionics. She constantly felt guilty and inadequate. She couldn’t even nurse the baby. Ajay took four weeks off from work. He did everything from bottle feeding the baby in the middle of the night, changing her nappies, monitoring Manasi’s homework, and making sure that Purva was taking her medicines. He didn’t know how he could garner so much energy, but he managed to juggle the different roles, and it didn’t even feel bad. His boss was not happy though, because he thought it was irresponsible of Ajay to take such a long time off. Ajay didn’t care.

“I am probably never going to get the promotion I was aiming for at work. But look here-- life has already promoted me to being a mother of three of my favorite girls in the world,” he said with a grin, looking into Purva’s eyes.

Purva looked back at Ajay with a feeble but earnest smile. Ajay thought it was the brightest Purva has smiled in the last few days. He knew his Purva was coming back.

At that moment, Manasi entered the room, and walked up to the bed, where the baby was lying beside Purva. She took one of the baby’s tiny little fingers in her hand, looked up at Purva, and said, “I guess the baby will call you ‘mom’. Can I also start calling you ‘mom’ from now on?” Tears of joy rolled down Purva’s cheeks, as she embraced Manasi as tightly as she could. §